- Codependency is a learned behavior that can be easily passed down from generation to generation.
- This behavioral and emotional condition can affect a person's ability to develop healthy and mutually satisfying relationships with others.
- Also known as relationship addiction, people with codependency often form one-sided relationships that quickly become abusive and emotionally destructive.
Codependency is a learned behavior that can be easily passed down from generation to generation. This behavioral and emotional condition can affect a person’s ability to develop healthy and mutually satisfying relationships with others. Also known as relationship addiction, people with codependency often form one-sided relationships that quickly become abusive and emotionally destructive.
Identified almost ten years ago, codependency disorder may seem insignificant and harmless. However, it can deeply affect the persons experiencing it by draining them emotionally and physically. Hence, it is critical to understand the most common signs of codependency and learn how to overcome this issue once identified. (source: APA, n.d.)
FAQs
Having some level of interdependence is healthy in any type of relationship. Sometimes, it can be tough to make it through life's daily challenges alone, and in such difficult circumstances, most people thrive with social support and companionship. This is known as healthy interdependence, and the relationships that practice it works best for both partners. In other words, both partners depend on each other instead of focusing on their individual needs or drawing their value from self-sacrifice. Instead, such healthy interdependence helps them be there to support each other whenever needed. A healthy and supportive relationship involves listening to and understanding each other’s concerns and respecting them. In contrast, codependency is when the caring behavior of one partner crosses the line into trying to control or direct the other.
Codependency can affect anyone, including a parent, spouse, friend, co-worker, or the sibling of a person afflicted with this trait. Originally, the term “co-dependent” was coined to describe people afflicted with a drug or alcohol dependence along with those living with them or in relationships with them. Similar patterns have also been seen in people directly associated with someone with a chronic mental illness. Today, the term broadly describes someone who belongs to a dysfunctional family. (source: Psychiatry.org, n.d.)
People with codependent behaviors usually have low self-esteem and always look for anything outside of themselves to help them feel better. They struggle to be themselves and may resort to drugs, alcohol, or nicotine to ease these conflicts. Others may try to cope with their issues by developing compulsive behaviors, such as gambling or workaholism. Such people usually have good intentions at heart and try to take care of their partners who are going through a difficult time. However, their caregiving sometimes becomes defeating and compulsive, and the other partner feels suffocated. Many codependents also take on the role of a martyr’s role and attempt to become a benefactor to someone in need. For example, a wife may try to cover for her alcoholic husband, a father may pull some strings to keep their son from suffering the consequences of criminal behavior, or a mother may make excuses for a defiant child. The problem with codependent personalities is that their repeated rescue attempts encourage the needly individual to keep going on a destructive route and become progressively more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of their benefactor.
Codependency can often leave someone feeling as if they lack purpose when you are not actively providing support. As a result, you may attempt to go the extra mile to overcome these feelings. For example, you may:
Give up your holiday to help a friend shift to a new place, despite needing a day to yourself to relax
Insist on helping your sister sort things out every time she gets into an argument with her partner
Agree to help a friend with their project, even if it negatively affects your tasks
Find it troublesome to make decisions, such as where to live and when to spend time with friends, because you fear that your choices will conflict with your partner’s needs (source: NCBI Bookshelf, 2023)
While everyone has loved ones in their lives and feels responsible for them from time to time, it can be particularly unhealthy when they start basing their identity on someone else. Contrary to what most people believe, codependency does not refer to caring feelings and behaviors; however, it encompasses excessive actions to an unhealthy degree. Codependency has often been termed relationship addiction as people with codependent personalities often engage in one-sided relationships that can be emotionally destructive or abusive.
The inherent issue with codependency is that the individual who behaves as the primary caregiver loses their sense of self as they continue pouring so much into the taker. Even if the giver does not immediately feel this way, it becomes particularly evident as the relationship progresses. Another common issue with codependency is that it can make it extremely different for the giver to get out of such a relationship since they may feel that their partner is relying too much on them. As a result, they may continue to be in toxic or abusive relationships and let themselves suffer while the taker continues to benefit from their codependent nature.
