do i have low self esteem 2 scaled
Written by: THE BALANCE
Medically reviewed by Dr. Sarah Boss, MD
Last updated: January 19, 2026
Fact checked
Quick Summary
  • Self-esteem is just your attitude toward yourself and your judgment of your worth.
  • This assessment has a significant impact on your decisions because it mostly affects what you feel yourself capable and deserving of doing.
  • If this is the case, you probably take calculated chances, speak out, and advocate for what you think.
Reading time: 12 min

Self-esteem is just your attitude toward yourself and your judgment of your worth. This assessment has a significant impact on your decisions because it mostly affects what you feel yourself capable and deserving of doing.

Do you consider yourself to be powerful, intelligent, and valuable? If this is the case, you probably take calculated chances, speak out, and advocate for what you think. Do you consider yourself to be unattractive, weak, or worthless? If this is the case, you are most likely scared, hide in the shadows, and second, guess every choice you make. How you perceive yourself typically dictates how you behave towards others and how you perceive your place in society. Self-esteem, whether positive or negative, can be detrimental or uplifting.

1. Difficulty asserting your own needs, goals, and feelings and prioritizing them

This is especially true when it comes to what others desire or need, like habitually putting others’ needs and wants ahead of your own. Maybe you persuade yourself that this is what you truly desire is irrelevant in the present moment, in light of someone else’s requirements. It’s natural that you remain silent! While concern for others is a positive trait, it becomes a burden when it comes at the expense of one’s own interests, desires, or feelings.

2. Apologizing for regular behaviors and/or feeling bad about them

Is the word “sorry” a frequent occurrence in your vocabulary? Do you feel bad about taking up space or making excuses for things over which you have no control or responsibility? This could be a symptom that you’re continually feeling as if you’re doing something wrong — you really have nothing to apologize for, but it’s become a habit!

3. Not “rocking the boat”

Not “rocking the boat” means the willingness to do, say, dress, and go along with what others do, wear and say. This is another instance of a strength being abused — being adaptable is admirable, but when it means rarely forging your own path, it may indicate low self-esteem. (source: APA, n.d.)

4. Lack of a sense of deserving or being capable of having “more”

Whether “more” means having stronger relations, a better-paying career, or the basic decency of others, when you believe you deserve something better, you will not seek it. This can result in unsatisfying (or even poisonous) relationships, insufficient or low-paying work, and a general lowering of standards.

5. Difficulty making independent decisions

A lack of confidence might manifest itself in the form of feeling torn between options or having problems making your own. Allowing others to decide is often easier, but would they ever know what you need or want? If you do make a choice, do you have difficulty sticking to it? This is an indication of low self-esteem, a lack of confidence in one’s ability to make sound judgments.

6. Inadequate limits

Lack of discipline and boundaries can make you feel exposed or hurt, regardless of whether your loved ones intend it. Low self-esteem manifests as a fear that speaking up for your needs will make others look down on you.

7. Excessively doing activities or purchasing gifts for other people (source: NHS, 2022)

Everybody enjoys receiving gifts – which is precisely the purpose. By offering thoughtful gifts to others, you rely on the delight of receiving gifts to enhance your reputation. Even though they would not appreciate it, you purchase gifts for them in order to make them feel wanted, appreciated, and recognized.

8. Self-defeating self-perception

A negative self-perception is when you believe that others will not like or appreciate you for who you are. This frequently results from a lack of self-acceptance and is a very frequent symptom of poor self-esteem.

9. Internal conversation that is highly critical and abusive

Internal conversations that are critical and harsh are one of the most harmful symptoms of poor self-esteem. Whether you chastise yourself for little infractions or call yourself insulting names, this is damaging self-talk that has a detrimental effect on mood and mental health.

Identifying signs of poor self-esteem in a woman occurs on both physical and behavioral levels.

Low self-esteem commonly presents itself in one’s mental state, particular physical characteristics, and interpersonal connections. Before you start feeling out of sorts, become familiar with these warning signals. (source: NIMH, 2024)

1. Lack Of Confidence

Self-esteem and confidence are inextricably linked. One depends on the other to survive. As a result, low self-esteem results in a lack of confidence.

A woman’s self-esteem will impede her progress in life. This will emerge as a woman’s lack of confidence.

2. Withdrawal From Interpersonal Relations

Are you dreading the forthcoming ladies’ get-together hosted by friends? For the simple cause that you may be required to discuss yourself?

This tendency to retreat from social gatherings on a frequent basis may be an indication of low self-esteem.

One finds up comparing oneself adversely to others. Rather than drawing strength from others’ accomplishments, they feel insufficient. (source: NIMH, 2024 (Depression))

3. Developing A Hostile Disposition

Being excessively defensive, to the point of aggression, about anything is another telltale indicator. Fear of being exposed to perceived deficiencies is one of the indications of low self-esteem.

4. A Sense Of Being Out Of Control

When a woman has poor self-esteem, she feels powerless. As if she has no control over herself or her environment. This might produce an atmosphere of insecurity and a sense of being disoriented.

5. Abuse Of Illicit Substances

One of the indicators of a woman’s poor self-esteem is an unfavorable physical characteristic. This is typically manifested through smoking, alcohol use, or even drug usage. The behavior becomes entrenched as a means of coping with their poor self-esteem. Kicking gets more difficult at that point.

6. Thinking That Nothing Is Greater Than Your Troubles (source: NIMH, 2024 (Anxiety))

Women who have poor self-esteem frequently become trapped within themselves. There is an overwhelming sense that they got screwed. Everywhere.

This not only induces self-pity in them but also prevents them from empathizing with others.

There are several persons who are in far worse positions. Make contact with them! Who knows, your self-esteem might benefit from a boost if your perspective shifts.

7. Excessively Sensitive To Judgment

Are you a person who is very sensitive to criticism? This is a trait that a female with poor self-esteem will exhibit.

Criticism can be used to improve oneself. This information is lost on persons with poor self-esteem. They have a tendency to take criticism personally and negatively.

8. Embarrassed At The Idea Of Asking For Assistance

This is a definite indicator of low self-esteem. These ladies are embarrassed to seek assistance. It could be as basic as assisting them in finding their way. Alternatively, assistance with office work. They believe that others will see them less favorably or regard them as incompetent. (source: ADA A, n.d.)

9. Fear Of Failure

Negative self-talk is one of the characteristics of women who have low self-esteem. This negative reinforcement creates an attitude that is detrimental to any type of employment.

They proceed with the belief that they will fail. Internally, there is a regular discussion concerning failure circumstances. You are preparing for the worst-case scenario.

10. Going Above And Beyond In An Attempt To Please

It is observed that girls who lack self-esteem and self-respect are constantly attempting to please. They feel insecure about themselves and lack a sense of self-worth.

Accepting popular opinion appears to be their response. This is a frequently seen characteristic. Regrettably, this does not equate to likeability.

Usually, an individual with a low sense of self-worth: (source: MedlinePlus, 2023)

  • Is exceedingly self-critical
  • Neglects or overlooks their positive characteristics
  • Considers themselves to be less capable than their counterparts
  • Utilizes negative self-descriptors such as stupid, overweight, ugly, or unlovable.
  • Has constant negative, critical, and self-blaming dialogues with oneself (this is referred to as ‘self-talk’).
  • Presumes that luck had a significant role in all of their accomplishments and does not claim credit for them
  • When things go bad, they criticize themselves rather than considering external factors such as other people’s behavior or economic pressures.
  • Does not believe to be complimented in person.

How can you know if you have poor self-esteem? The following are some examples:

You Are A People-Pleasing Individual.

You might attempt to please others rather than being true to yourself and seeking what gives you joy and satisfaction.

Individuals with poor self-esteem also have a propensity to be quiet or passive-aggressive rather than speaking up for themselves.

You Have A Sense Of Inadequacy Or Unworthiness.

Perhaps you believe you are unworthy of love, admiration, or a promotion at work. This is closely tied to your self-esteem and ability to appreciate yourself.

A lack of internal worth is prompted by a set of ideas that they are unworthy, feel insignificant, or possess nothing of value. (source: MedlinePlus, 2023 (Anxiety))

Because the majority of people with poor self-esteem seek external validation (career paths, success, relationships, power), it’s important to realize that self-esteem is an internal process that is directly tied to joy.

You’re Eager About Developing Healthy Relationships.

The greater your sense of self-worth, the more healthy your relationships are likely to be. If you have low self-esteem, it can jeopardize your whole connections.

You may encounter difficulties with intimacy, understanding partners, and building good personal boundaries. Additionally, Roberts asserts that you are more likely to remain in a one-sided, codependent, or abusive relationship.

You have a low opinion of yourself.

Do you refer to yourself as “big” or “ugly” and make judgments about your appearance when you stand in front of a mirror? If this is the case, you most likely have a bad opinion of yourself and your looks as a result of your negative self-image.

Rejection of compliments is another manifestation of low self-esteem. You may simply be modest, but constantly declining acts of flattery in lieu of expressing “thank you” indicates that you do not feel those things are real. (source: SAMHSA, n.d.)

You Engage In Self-Defeating Self-Talk.

“I am a failure.” “I am not deserving of happiness.” “What was I thinking when I said that? I’m so bumbling.”

There are numerous instances of negative self-talk that can occur as a result of low confidence.

If you frequently insult yourself — whether internally or in discussion with others — you almost certainly have low self-esteem. Being harsh or unforgiving on oneself when you make errors might also be an indication.

You Make Comparisons To Others.

We all have a proclivity towards comparison. Comparing yourself to others can assist you in achieving your goals or encourage you to improve your performance at work.

However, if this behavior becomes a regular occurrence and begins to have a detrimental effect on your mental health, it may be an indication that you need to work on your attitude. (source: NICE, 2022)

You Have Self-Doubt.

Self-doubt is natural. We are, after all, only human.

However, if you frequently doubt your own judgment or are always seeking the views of others, this may be a sign of low self-esteem.

This can also manifest as a constant worry of making mistakes and allowing fear to rule your life rather than feeling confident when confronted with obstacles.

You Abstain From Self-Expression

Perhaps you refrain from introducing yourself out of embarrassment, shame, or fear of criticism. This tendency to “play small” may also be a result of a lack of confidence.

When someone is unable to articulate themselves, they will always feel out of place and will find themselves complying. In essence, you conceal yourself or fit in with others as a means of coping with feelings of insecurity.

FAQs

Is It Possible For Anyone To Build A High Sense Of Self-Esteem, Or Is It The Privilege Of A Privileged Minority?
Individuals with ordinary intelligence or higher can theoretically develop into mentally healthy adults. Obviously, parents, educators, and other adults can do a great deal to ease or complicate the path to Self Esteem. Occasionally, when severe mental wounds and traumas remain unresolved from childhood, achieving a reasonable level of Self Esteem can be quite challenging. Therapy may be required in certain instances. However, I have never known someone who was completely devoid of Self Esteem or who was incapable of growing in Self Esteem, providing that sufficient learning environments exist in their world space.
Is It True That Rewarding Proper behavior Helps Build Self-Esteem?
That depends on the definition of “praising.” If we observe a youngster acting intentionally and responsibly and express our admiration for this action, we can improve the possibility that this behavior will be repeated. We may get the opposite effect if we mock, penalize, or ignore it. In any case, we may have an indirect effect on the child’s self-esteem. However, for “praise” to be effective, it should be grounded in reality, proportionate to the importance of the child’s activities, and aimed at the child’s conduct rather than his or her personality.
Sweeping remarks like “You are a perfect angel,” “You are always a good girl,” or “You’re always so caring and kind,” are ineffective: rather than fostering Self Esteem, they seem to elicit fear, as the youngster is aware that they are not always true. Even with these limitations, praise or acknowledgment should be delivered with caution to prevent developing an approval-addicted child. We want a child to feel the intrinsic joy associated with the right behavior. We want the kid to become the basis of his or her own acceptance, rather than constantly seeking our approval. As a result, we must avoid inundating a child with our “evaluations.

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