Self-esteem refers to how we view and value ourselves.
While we all criticize ourselves occasionally, if you frequently think poorly of yourself or evaluate yourself critically, you may suffer from low self-esteem. While you may not be able to pinpoint the source of your poor self-esteem, there are measures you may take to boost it.
Self-esteem is not synonymous with self-confidence. Self-confidence is a person’s belief in their abilities in a particular area of life, not an objective measure of competence. A person can be quite confident in their own skills and still have low self-esteem. Acquiring confidence in a certain area of life does not always translate into an increase in self-esteem.
Low self-esteem may involve the following experiences. These are not a diagnostic checklist and can also occur for other reasons:
- Expressing negative sentiments and being self-critical
- Making disparaging remarks on yourself
- Concentrating on your shortcomings and forgetting your accomplishments
- Self-blame when things go wrong
- Believing that others are superior to you
- Believing that you are unworthy of enjoyment
- Refusing to accept compliments
- Avoiding difficulties out of fear of failure
- Feeling especially distressed by rejection or criticism
- A sense of sadness, depression, anxiety, embarrassment, anger, or worthlessness
Self-esteem develops during childhood and adolescence and can continue to change throughout adulthood. Experiences and relationships can shape how you see yourself, but they do not determine a fixed level of self-worth.
Childhood events can have a lasting influence on how you consider yourself, but their effects are not necessarily permanent. If you did not receive adequate care or regard as a youngster, this may manifest as feelings of insignificance as an adult. If your parents have low self-esteem, you may unknowingly emulate their behavior.
Our caretakers have a significant impact on how we interpret the world and, consequently, our self-esteem. At an early age, we begin telling ourselves stories to deal with different situations and to fill in the gaps.
Racism, class discrimination, misogyny, and white privilege are all cultural influences that might impact how we think of ourselves. These power systems affect us in a variety of ways, from inadequate media representation to playground bullying to micro-aggressions by teachers and neighbors. While many of us are capable of enduring these types of discrimination while maintaining our self-esteem, this is not the situation for everyone.
Several environmental elements can have an effect on our self-esteem:
- During adolescence, parents, educators, and other significant adults frequently criticize you.
- Parents or caregivers that are negligent or uninvolved
- Bullying
- Health problems, both physical and mental
- Unfortunate life circumstances
- Trauma involving betrayal or abuse
We should also keep in mind that adults might have low self-esteem as well. No matter our age, significant life changes such as the termination of a major relationship or the onset of a physical illness can have an effect on our self-worth.
Personality and patterns of thinking may also play a role. Some people are more prone to self-criticism or set very high standards for themselves; this does not mean their self-esteem cannot change.
Children’s self-esteem follows different paths; a decline during the tween years is not inevitable. Relationships, expectations and difficult experiences can affect how children feel about themselves.
Comparisons With Others
During the school years, children may increasingly compare their abilities and achievements with those of their peers.
This novel social comparison is motivated by both social and cognitive factors.
Psychologist Erik Erikson described a theoretical childhood stage of ‘industry versus inferiority’: developing a sense of competence rather than feeling inadequate. This is a developmental theory, not a rule that predicts every child’s self-esteem.
Sense of Inadequacy
Some children feel inadequate when they believe they are doing less well than their classmates. Difficulty with a task does not necessarily lead to low self-esteem. Its impact may depend on how important the activity is to the child, how they interpret the experience and the support they receive.
Increasing the Bar for Performance
Some children experience increasing performance stress during the pre-adolescent years.
Expectations at home and school may change as children grow. Some young people experience pressure to perform or feel compared with others. Supportive feedback can recognize effort and progress without making a child’s worth depend on results.
Presumed Criticism From Others
Criticism from parents, teachers or coaches may affect a young person’s self-esteem, but the response is not determined solely by whether they like or respect that adult. The relationship, the feedback and the support available all matter. Parents and other trusted adults can help children respond to setbacks without judging their overall worth.
Bullying
Sadly, teachers and parents may not be the only people who can potentially damage a child’s sense of self-worth. Bullying by other children, whether at school or on the playground, can have a significant impact on how a kid feels concerning themselves.
While parental acceptance, love, and support are the primary elements of a child’s good self-esteem in early life, peer approval becomes increasingly crucial as we grow older. Fear of not ‘fitting in’, of being bullied because of one’s color, ethnicity, religion, gender, or social behavior is a significant early source of low self-esteem. Bullying can undermine confidence and self-esteem, but responses vary and supportive relationships can help.
Trauma in childhood
In its most serious forms, childhood trauma like physical and sexual abuse, natural disasters, severe sickness, or bereavement can contribute to low self-esteem. Such experiences can affect a child’s sense of safety and trust, although reactions vary. Some children who experience abuse blame themselves or are wrongly blamed by others. Abuse is never the child’s fault.
Counseling and cognitive behavioral therapy can help with low self-esteem. It can also occur alongside depression, which requires its own assessment. Evidence-based psychotherapies for depression include cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy; their benefits do not depend on assuming that childhood wounds are the cause.
Relationships with caregivers can influence self-esteem. Persistent neglect, harsh criticism or harmful behavior from parents or caregivers may contribute to low self-esteem, but outcomes vary and difficulties do not inevitably continue into adulthood. The linked resource discusses harmful or controlling parenting; abuse does not establish a personality-disorder diagnosis.
Uninvolved/Negligent Parents
Children need consistent attention, guidance and care. Family pressures, including untreated mental health or substance use problems, can sometimes make this harder. A parent’s diagnosis or time spent away from home does not by itself establish neglect; practical support and other caring adults can help families meet children’s needs.
Negative Peers
Being a member of a social circle that drags others down through contempt, peer influence, and bullying can make others feel as though there is something inappropriate with them and they are to blame. These bad practices can become harmful over time, eroding an individual’s self-esteem.
Trauma
Abuse, whether emotional, physical, sexual or a mix of these, frequently results in emotions of shame and guilt. A youngster may believe that he or she did something to deserve the abuse or was unworthy of the abuser’s respect, affection, and care. Teenagers who have experienced abuse may also have substantial anxiety and sadness, which can impair their capacity to live a satisfying life.
Body Image
Body image can influence self-esteem in teenagers of any gender.
Puberty and unrealistic appearance ideals in the media can contribute to body dissatisfaction. Restricting food, self-induced vomiting or misusing laxatives to control weight can be harmful and warrant assessment by a healthcare professional. These behaviors should not be treated as ordinary teenage dieting.
Body-image concerns can involve weight, shape or muscularity and can affect people of any gender. A person’s worth is not determined by their appearance.
Several examples given below illustrate how low self-esteem might impact your relationships:
Not Expressing Your Needs
If you have poor self-esteem, it may be tough to seek assistance from others. You may be concerned about causing inconvenience or “burdening” others. Some people find it difficult to ask for support even when they need it. Choosing paid help, however, does not by itself indicate low self-esteem.
Sensitivity
Individuals with poor self-esteem may take constructive criticism or simple requests emotionally. For instance, you may feel ignored or wounded if your partner requests some ‘private time.’ Feeling rejected may make communication harder, but low self-esteem does not make an aggressive response inevitable or acceptable. Relationships and self-esteem can influence each other over time.
Insecurity and envy. Low self-esteem can manifest itself in a relationship as envy and insecurity. You may doubt your own worthiness of your partner’s affection or struggle to believe they genuinely like you. Some people worry about rejection or abandonment, but these fears do not establish what their partner feels or intends.
It’s Difficult To Be Oneself
In relationships, low self-esteem can make it tough to be your real self. You may spend much time and effort attempting to be likable or attractive. For instance, you may make a concerted effort to entertain others or to be intriguing. Alternatively, perhaps you are constantly attempting to look your best.
Bad Relationship Decision
Low self-esteem can influence your spouse or friend selection. Low self-esteem may make it harder to express your needs or set boundaries. For instance, you may choose to remain with your partner regardless of their lack of love for you. Alternatively, you may tolerate hurtful behavior from a friend and blame yourself for their reactions. Someone else’s abusive behavior is not your fault. If you feel unsafe, seek confidential support; immediate danger requires local emergency help.
Low self-esteem can affect your mental well-being. Challenging negative beliefs about yourself and seeking support when needed may help. While improving your self-esteem takes a bit of time, there are some things you can do to safeguard your mental health while you work on it. Among the things you may do to assist are the following:
Focus on Positive Thoughts
Spend some time each day concentrating on optimistic, pleasant thoughts. Take note of the small things you excel at and let yourself be grateful for them. Consider moments in the past when you overcame adversity and remind yourself that, even if you aren’t feeling your best at the moment now, you have the ability and power to see it through.
Take Care of Yourself
Low self-esteem sometimes can make you feel as though you are unworthy of attention and respect. Tell yourself time and again that you require care and look for ways to offer yourself compassion, no matter how big or small. Spend some time engaging in an activity that you enjoy. Allow for periods of relaxation and rest.
Seek External Support
Discuss your difficulties with someone supportive, such as a trusted friend, family member, teacher or healthcare professional. If distress persists, affects daily life or includes symptoms of depression or anxiety, seek a qualified clinician’s assessment. If you might harm yourself or cannot stay safe, seek immediate help from local emergency or crisis services.
Having a support network of individuals who care about you and want you to appreciate yourself might be beneficial while you attempt to improve your self-esteem.
Here are some practical suggestions for building and boosting your self-esteem:
- Make an effort for doing something that helps you feel good.
- Increase physical activity; exercise has been shown to boost mood.
- Consider an interest in which you can engage for a long time without getting bored.
- Maintain a notebook of appreciation.
- Challenge an unfavorable thought.
- Hang out with people that inspire confidence in you.
- Volunteer your time to assist others.
- Bear in mind that everybody makes mistakes.
- Celebrate your triumphs, both small and big.
