Written by: THE BALANCE
Medically reviewed by Dr. Sarah Boss, MD
Last updated: January 19, 2026
Fact checked
Quick Summary
  • Most people can well appreciate the world in a gradient of greys, but things may not be the same for those with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
  • Such people develop an all-or-nothing dichotomy called splitting that forces them to see events, individuals, and situations as black and white.
  • BPD alone can be difficult to manage as a personality disorder due to its symptoms, including mood swings, unstable relationships, and impulsive behaviors.
Reading time: 10 min

Most people can well appreciate the world in a gradient of greys, but things may not be the same for those with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Such people develop an all-or-nothing dichotomy called splitting that forces them to see events, individuals, and situations as black and white.

BPD alone can be difficult to manage as a personality disorder due to its symptoms, including mood swings, unstable relationships, and impulsive behaviors. People often struggle to maintain healthy relationships with other people and splitting only adds to this problem. Despite being a simple defense mechanism that these individuals adopt to protect themselves from getting hurt, these splitting episodes can damage all aspects of life. Fortunately, there are multiple ways through which people with splitting BPD can learn to manage their thoughts and behaviors.

What is splitting BPD? How can you recognize and control it before it destroys your relationships and life? Let’s find out in this article. (source: NIMH, 2024)

Splitting is a common symptom for people with mental health issues like borderline personality disorder. Its literal meaning is to divide something, and as a psychiatric term, it means viewing everyone and everything in black and white. Splitting stops individuals from recognizing or accepting paradoxical qualities in something and someone and does not allow them to develop any gray areas in their thinking.

But why does splitting occur? Splitting is a defense mechanism deployed by individuals with personality disorders whenever they feel under the influence of immense negative emotions, such as isolation. Its development traces back to experiences of early life traumas, such as abandonment and abuse. Experiencing and responding to the world through a filter of negativity or positivity can quickly leave a person with BPD emotionally drained and exhausted. It may also strain their relationships as the ones close to these people become progressively affected by their splitting behavior.

For many people, a split usually occurs secondary to an event that triggers the extreme binary emotions characterising BPD. Sometimes, these triggering events are too small, insignificant, or harmless to people without BPD but may relate to previous trauma for the ones with personality disorders. The root cause of splitting in BPD is linked to how one develops as a child. (source: NHS, 2023)

When babies enter the world, they follow the all-or-nothing principle, perceiving things as either good or bad. As the baby develops psychologically, they gradually understand the gray areas between the two extremes of everything. People with BPD, however, face difficulties in accepting the coexistence of good and bad in someone or something due to the overwhelming emotions they experience. Hence, they eventually adopt the splitting behaviors to channel their emotions or cope with them.

The triggers of splitting among a person with BPD are endless and highly variable. At times, these triggers are pretty obvious and easy to spot, while other times, it is impossible to understand what provoked a splitting behavior in a loved one.

Similar to the triggers of substance use, the triggers of splitting can be anyone or anything that incites emotional reactions. Some common ones include: (source: APA, 2023)

Meeting someone new

New people can be polarising for individuals with BPD. Any new acquaintance for these people is either the best or the most terrible, even if there is no evidence to support this notion.

Receiving a comment

Be it criticism or a compliment, the fragile self-image of a person with BPD can quickly swing in either direction. They may fully buy the compliment or overgeneralise critical feedback into a total lack of self-worth.

Seasons or anniversaries

Certain times of the year, specific temperatures and seasons, and anniversaries of significant events can all trigger splitting in people with BPD. (source: StatPearls, 2025)

Meeting people from the past

Any former spouses, parents, siblings, coworkers, friends, and any other people from the past with significant roles in their lives can trigger splitting.

It is typical for young people with splitting BPD to idolise and then quickly devalue people in life. They are very quick to label something or someone as bad whenever they spot a flaw in someone or something and may cut them out of their life. This behavioral pattern affects how they view themselves, leading to poor self-worth and self-esteem. (source: NICE, 2009)

The inability to form and maintain relationships intensifies for people with splitting BPD by the time they reach adulthood. At this point, most of them have damaged or broken bonds with family and friends. Independent living becomes less attainable as they are expected to quit a job, drop out of school, or get evicted from accommodation on a whim.

With these negative external messages and their internal need to be perfect to avoid any negative labels, life for people with splitting BPD goes down a spiral. Eventually, a sense of loneliness, hopelessness, and worthiness sets in, leading to the following behaviors:

  • Self-harm
  • Anxiety
  • Substance abuse
  • Suicidal thoughts and behaviors
  • Depression
  • Social isolation
  • Low self-esteem

Because these issues are secondary to unstable relationships, learning to establish healthy bonds with others is a primary focus of treatment. (source: NCBI Bookshelf, 2023)

There is no easy solution to dealing with a loved one with splitting borderline personality disorder, especially if they have extreme symptoms. How you cope with them largely depends on the nature of your relationship and the impact of your loved one’s symptoms on you. The following guiding principles can; however, help make a positive impact:

Cultivating empathy

Remind yourself that splitting behavior is a part of the BPD. While certain actions of your loved one may seem manipulative or intentional, they are purely out of control. Most behaviors secondary to splitting are defense mechanisms that the afflicted turn to whenever they feel defenceless.

Maintaining lines of communication

Discussing a particular situation as it happens allows you to isolate the event instead of piling them on top of each other. On the contrary, a failure to communicate only fuels rejection anxiety in your loved one. (source: Cochrane, 2020)

Giving reminders of support

Most people with BPD are afraid of being abandoned and rejected. Constantly reminding them about the love and support you are willing to extend to them helps control their splitting episodes.

Setting boundaries

Supporting your loved one through the challenges of BPD is one thing, but becoming the object of abuse is another. Setting limits with a person with BPD is critical as you continue to assist them in treatment. If they cross your boundary, explain why you are backing away. Even if this move seems dispassionate and rude, setting boundaries to preserve the relationship in the long run.

Taking care of yourself

Amidst the ongoing treatment and support for your loved one with splitting BPD, do not ignore your own needs. BPD can be an overwhelming diagnosis not only for the primary sufferer but also for their entire family. Get in touch with a therapist if needed to balance your needs. (source: NCBI, 2001)

Managing your response

Remember that you are in a better position to control your response, attitude, and temper than a loved one with splitting BPD. Engaging in hostility or yelling back during an active splitting episode will only worsen the situation.

Encouraging and supporting treatment

Seeking professional treatment involving medication and therapy can help your loved one live a better life. Encourage them to start treatment or continue it if they have already begun. Play your part by educating yourself more about the disease to understand better what they are going through. Actively participating in therapy with your loved one can also significantly improve overall recovery. Contact a treatment center now to begin the recovery process for your loved one today.

FAQs

What does splitting mean?
The literal meaning of splitting is to divide something. In reference to BPD, it indicates a phenomenon where the affected person views everything in absolute terms. For example, they may perceive something as absolutely good or bad, without any gray area in between.
What are some common examples of splitting BPD?
An individual suffering from a borderline personality disorder may use splitting in one or more of the following ways:
Visualising people as perfect or evil
Labelling someone as always or never be living
Feeling that something will either always or never go right
 
Most people with splitting BPD usually permanently hold onto these black and white views. For others, these opposing views may fluctuate, where they alternate from seeing something or someone as entirely bad to entirely good, or vice versa.
BPD splitting: how long does it last?
Most splitting episodes of BPD do not come with a specific time limit, and they may last anywhere from a few hours or days to a few months. Sometimes, a person suffering from BPD may split between a situation, item, or person forever and may never return from their extreme view.
When should I consider seeking help from splitting BPD?
Two frequency-related situations indicate the worsening of a person’s splitting and the consequent need for help. The first one is frequent switching of splitting that occurs quickly and without any prior warning. For example, suppose you are loving and hating your partner multiple times a day in a relationship. In that case, this waxing and waning indicate that BPD negatively alters your life and requires treatment. On the alternate side, some people continue to hold on to a splitting perspective for a long time, despite having evidence to the contrary. Even if they achieve success, stability, fulfilment, and stable relationships, they cannot accept the positives of their personality. This persistent splitting indicates that BPD is strong and slowly taking hold of your mind and body and warrants immediate treatment.
Has my BPD wide ruined my life and relationship?
While a partner with splitting BPD can sabotage relationships, remember not to blame the person suffering from it as their mind and behavior is not entirely in their control. On the contrary, catch the signs of BPD in your partner that might sabotage your relationship and seek help early on to save it. A partner with splitting BPD may:
Accuse of things because of how they feel without checking the evidence
Engage in impulsive behaviors, such as breaking up or sending abusive messages, in the heat of the moment to control their overwhelming feelings
Get so aggressive that they lose hold of their behavior without realising how they are treating you
See themselves as a victim who is being mistreated instead of admitting to their destructive actions
Blame and accuse you of things you have not done
Become paranoid or insecure while misinterpreting things
Take things the wrong way and assume that you are putting them down as they offer any feedback
Show feelings disproportionate to the situation
Find it hard to let go of their emotions unless they engage in a reckless activity to unleash their anger
Become spiteful if they believe to be mistreated or being hurt by you
Say hurtful things in the heat of the moment and regret them later

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