Most people can well appreciate the world in a gradient of greys, but things may not be the same for those with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Some people with BPD experience all-or-nothing thinking called splitting; its severity and course vary, and treatment can help.
BPD alone can be difficult to manage as a personality disorder due to its symptoms, including mood swings, unstable relationships, and impulsive behaviors. People often struggle to maintain healthy relationships with other people and splitting only adds to this problem. Despite being a simple defense mechanism that these individuals adopt to protect themselves from getting hurt, these splitting episodes can damage all aspects of life. Fortunately, there are multiple ways through which people with splitting BPD can learn to manage their thoughts and behaviors.
What is splitting BPD? How can you recognize it and seek support when it affects your relationships or daily life? Let’s find out in this article.
Splitting is a common symptom for people with mental health issues like borderline personality disorder. Its literal meaning is to divide something, and as a psychiatric term, it means viewing everyone and everything in black and white. Splitting can make it difficult to hold positive and negative qualities in mind together. This thinking pattern is not necessarily permanent and can improve with appropriate treatment.
But why does splitting occur? Splitting is a defense mechanism deployed by individuals with personality disorders whenever they feel under the influence of immense negative emotions, such as isolation. Its development traces back to experiences of early life traumas, such as abandonment and abuse. Experiencing and responding to the world through a filter of negativity or positivity can quickly leave a person with BPD emotionally drained and exhausted. It may also strain their relationships as the ones close to these people become progressively affected by their splitting behavior.
For many people, a split usually occurs secondary to an event that triggers the extreme binary emotions characterizing BPD. Sometimes, these triggering events are too small, insignificant, or harmless to people without BPD but may relate to previous trauma for the ones with personality disorders. The root cause of splitting in BPD is linked to how one develops as a child.
When babies enter the world, they follow the all-or-nothing principle, perceiving things as either good or bad. As the baby develops psychologically, they gradually understand the gray areas between the two extremes of everything. People with BPD, however, face difficulties in accepting the coexistence of good and bad in someone or something due to the overwhelming emotions they experience. Hence, they eventually adopt the splitting behaviors to channel their emotions or cope with them.
The triggers of splitting among a person with BPD are endless and highly variable. At times, these triggers are pretty obvious and easy to spot, while other times, it is impossible to understand what provoked a splitting behavior in a loved one.
Similar to the triggers of substance use, the triggers of splitting can be anyone or anything that incites emotional reactions. Some common ones include:
Meeting someone new
New people can be polarising for individuals with BPD. Any new acquaintance for these people is either the best or the most terrible, even if there is no evidence to support this notion.
Receiving a comment
Be it criticism or a compliment, the fragile self-image of a person with BPD can quickly swing in either direction. They may fully buy the compliment or overgeneralise critical feedback into a total lack of self-worth.
Seasons or anniversaries
Certain times of the year, specific temperatures and seasons, and anniversaries of significant events can all trigger splitting in people with BPD.
Meeting people from the past
Any former spouses, parents, siblings, coworkers, friends, and any other people from the past with significant roles in their lives can trigger splitting.
It is typical for young people with splitting BPD to idolise and then quickly devalue people in life. They are very quick to label something or someone as bad whenever they spot a flaw in someone or something and may cut them out of their life. This behavioral pattern affects how they view themselves, leading to poor self-worth and self-esteem.
Relationship and daily-life difficulties vary among people with BPD. Loss of relationships, employment, education or independent living is not inevitable; appropriate treatment can improve symptoms and functioning.
Some people experience loneliness, distress or difficulty regulating emotions. The problems below can occur, but are not inevitable consequences of splitting and need individual assessment:
- Self-harm
- Anxiety
- Substance abuse
- Suicidal thoughts and behaviors
- Depression
- Social isolation
- Low self-esteem
These problems can have multiple causes. Structured psychotherapy can address symptoms and relationships. Self-harm or suicidal thoughts need prompt crisis support; immediate danger or inability to stay safe requires local emergency services.
There is no easy solution to dealing with a loved one with splitting borderline personality disorder, especially if they have extreme symptoms. How you cope with them largely depends on the nature of your relationship and the impact of your loved one’s symptoms on you. The following guiding principles can; however, help make a positive impact:
Cultivating empathy
Remind yourself that splitting behavior is a part of the BPD. Difficulty regulating emotions does not remove responsibility for behavior or excuse abuse. Most behaviors secondary to splitting are defense mechanisms that the afflicted turn to whenever they feel defenceless.
Maintaining lines of communication
Discuss a particular situation at a calm time and only when safe. You are not responsible for another person’s reactions or anxiety; seek confidential specialist support if you fear retaliation.
Giving reminders of support
Most people with BPD are afraid of being abandoned and rejected. Constantly reminding them about the love and support you are willing to extend to them helps control their splitting episodes.
Setting boundaries
Supporting your loved one through the challenges of BPD is one thing, but becoming the object of abuse is another. Setting limits with a person with BPD is critical as you continue to assist them in treatment. Discuss boundaries only when safe. If you fear retaliation or feel threatened, seek confidential domestic-abuse support for individualized safety planning. Even if this move seems dispassionate and rude, setting boundaries to preserve the relationship in the long run.
Taking care of yourself
Amidst the ongoing treatment and support for your loved one with splitting BPD, do not ignore your own needs. BPD can be an overwhelming diagnosis not only for the primary sufferer but also for their entire family. Get in touch with a therapist if needed to balance your needs.
Managing your response
A calm response may help when it is safe, but you are not responsible for another person’s harmful behavior. Prioritize safety and seek support if there is intimidation or abuse.
Encouraging and supporting treatment
Structured psychotherapy can help your loved one manage BPD. Medication may be appropriate for a separately assessed condition, but is not routinely used for core BPD symptoms. Encourage them to start treatment or continue it if they have already begun. Play your part by educating yourself more about the disease to understand better what they are going through. Participating in therapy with your loved one may help when clinically appropriate and safe. If there is abuse or fear of retaliation, seek confidential individual assessment before considering joint sessions. Contact a treatment center now to begin the recovery process for your loved one today.
