How to Heal From Emotional Abuse

Getting over the effects of emotional abuse involves a multifaceted approach to addressing the psychological damage while rebuilding self-esteem and moving forward. Following are some steps to include in this process:

Acknowledge the Abuse

The first step toward healing involves acknowledging the emotional abuse. This acknowledgment may be difficult, especially in cases where an abuser has manipulated and guilt-tripped the victim into believing that they are the cause. However, facing the reality and understanding that abuse is never a victim’s fault is crucial before moving to the next steps. (source: NICE, 2018)

Seek Professional Help

Therapy is an essential component of healing from any type of abuse. A trained therapist can help victims process their experiences, learn how to regulate emotions and acquire different coping strategies. Following are some therapeutic approaches that may benefit a victim of emotional abuse:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Also known as CBT, this therapy can help individuals identify and change the negative behaviors and thought patterns that a victim may have developed due to abuse.
• Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR): This therapy has been designed to manage posttraumatic stress disorder and other trauma-related issues. It involves using guided eye movements to process traumatic memories in a better way.
• Trauma-Focused Therapy: This form of therapy has been designed to help victims of emotional abuse process and recover from the trauma they received at the hands of the abuser.

Build a Support System

Building a support system is essential for recovery from any type of abuse. Emotional abuse can often isolate a victim, either because they are ashamed about the ongoing abuse or because their abuser cuts them off from others. Reconnecting with family, friends, or even support groups can provide such victims emotional support to live life confidently and happily.

Support groups, in particular, can be extremely helpful in overcoming emotional abuse and its long-term effects. These groups can be joined online or in person and can connect victims with other people with similar experiences to share encouragement and validation.

Establish Boundaries

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is imperative to heal from emotional abuse. These boundaries can protect victims from further harm while allowing them to regain control over life. Establishing boundaries may involve setting limits with an abuser, like reducing contact with them or even cutting them out entirely based on how severe the abuse is.

Remember that boundaries are not created to punish the abuser but to protect oneself. They play a significant role in restoring self-respect and regaining autonomy. [6]

Rebuild Self-Esteem

Rebuilding self-esteem is one of the most challenging aspects of getting over emotional abuse. In most cases, an abuser has spent years decreasing their victim’s self-worth, leaving them feeling unlovable and worthless. Fortunately, it is possible to rebuild self-esteem through careful strategies such as the following:

• Engaging in self-care: Taking care of emotional and physical needs is essential to build self-esteem. This may include getting enough sleep, eating well, engaging in joyful hobbies, and exercising regularly.
• Practicing self-compassion: Being kind to oneself is imperative to silence the inner critic and replace the negative self-perception and thinking with positive statements.
• Challenging negative beliefs: Victims of emotional abuse should work on recognizing and challenging their negative beliefs internalized from their abuser and replacing them with positive ones.
• Setting achievable goals: Setting small goals restores a sense of accomplishment and boosts self-worth. These goals can be related to hobbies, personal growth, or work.

Learn to Trust Again

Learning to trust other people following an emotionally abusive relationship can be difficult but possible. The gradual process focuses on learning how to trust others and oneself. Victims of ongoing emotional abuse are likely to doubt their decision-making abilities and judgment as their abuser has been undermining their confidence for a long time. To break this thinking pattern and rebuild trust, individuals must practice trusting themselves while making minor decisions and working up to more important ones. With time, it will also get easier to trust others.

Forgive Yourself

People experiencing ongoing abuse often have a lot of shame and guilt inside. These feelings of shame may provoke them to blame themselves for the continuing abuse or feel ashamed of not being able to do something. Healing from such an abuse should involve forgiving oneself and freeing oneself from these perceived failures.

It is crucial to understand that being in an abusive relationship is not a sign of weakness. Abusers are often skilled manipulators who know how to exploit a victim’s vulnerabilities. Hence, forgiving oneself and letting go of the self-blame tendencies can help a person move forward. (source: source)

Rediscover Your Identity

Emotional abusers can strip their victims of their sense of identity. Many victims spend years trying to conform to their abuser’s expectations while losing sight of their true selves in the process. Hence, healing from emotional abuse must involve rediscovering this lost identity along with values and passions.

This process of rediscovery may involve reconnecting with old interests, exploring new hobbies, and reflecting on what is significant to a victim. The aim is to reclaim autonomy in life and embrace the freedom to be oneself without any external pressure.

Stop Looking For Closure

A lot of victims of emotional abuse wait to seek closure from their abuser in the form of an explanation, apology, or acknowledgment of the harm done. However, this can be evasive, especially with emotional abusers, as most of them never take responsibility for their actions.

Many experts advise victims to let go of their need for closure in such circumstances. Doing so means accepting that an abuser may never apologize, take responsibility for what they did, or change. Instead of seeking closure from them, focus on getting it from within to make peace with the past and move forward.

Practice Mindfulness & Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools for healing from emotional abuse. These therapies help individuals stay grounded in the present, acquire a sense of inner peace, and manage their emotions more healthily. Regular mindfulness meditation can also improve emotional regulation, decrease stress, and boost self-awareness. (source: NIMH, n.d.)

Practicing mindfulness meditation may involve simple breathing exercises, supervised meditative sessions, or simple activities like walking in nature. Regardless of the activity a person chooses, the key is to enable it to foster a sense of clarity and calm.